Competition/Comparison
Competition/Comparison
In my life I have always been a bit bewildered by competition and comparison. Whenever I competed I performed my best - a young runner in my first mini marathon at 8 yrs old (In 1978, I think it was 3 miles), a young dancer auditioning for the National Ballet at 10 yrs old (1980), a university student completing two degrees, a public servant trying to get the funds for a community development program. I had fully embraced systems of competition and comparison. Inevitably, I suffered heartache and disappointment even though I may have had a great time doing many of these things, any negative end result seemed to outweigh the good moments. I’m not sure if you can relate but I just wasn’t awake to what was really going on. I bought into the illusion that comparison and competition was necessary and important to my growth and experience as a human being.
AND I projected that onto my children. Many of our institutions are set up this way. We teach our kids to “knuckle down” and “be tough” and “fight” your way to do your best (as judged by others). And then we want them to behave and be nice to people, just be sportsmanlike, or suck it up when they aren’t successful. And we wonder why they might be unhappy or anxious. Well, I am going to suggest a different approach that frees you AND your kids from this hardship. Give them your unconditional attention, acceptance, appreciation and affection and teach them how to get these needs met on their own as they grow up.
Some governments have seen the error of their ways and are changing. A while back, I hosted some university students from Singapore and learned that their government realized that their competitive systems were not supporting the innovation that they needed so it made changes to the school system, to the relief of these students and to the success of their economy. Some smart businesses have already learned this (Gravity Payments, Fawkestrot Adventures just to name a couple😁); it’s more worthwhile to invest in the person and their own growth rather than focussing solely on achieving an outcome as a form of performance measurement (because these external markers can shift as quickly as the weather - climate variability reference 😉). People are more productive when they have their needs met…speaking of which…
Some folks believe that the pressure we feel when we start comparing or competing with others is a good motivator. But I am going to suggest that it is pretty empty and more often leads to mental strife because when our success is dependent on something external to ourselves and in particular someone or something other than ourselves, we expend our energy in a continual state of always needing to do more and never being able to fill that void AND feeling exhausted. Why? Because things/people/events external to ourselves are always in flux and ever changing - the external target is always moving.
The key to living and working in a world of competition and comparison is to spend time with yourself meeting your own need for attention, acceptance, appreciation and affection. Once you learn how to fulfill these basic needs on your own you will be free to simply feel the joy of playing and working with others as your true self. When you invest the energy in yourself (the how is determined by YOU) THEN you will enjoy whatever work or activity in which you participate free from the emotional pitfalls of competition and comparison. When your needs are met, you are free.
Decide today how to appreciate yourself, how to give yourself attention, how to give yourself affection, and how to accept yourself. Do it every day. Let me know if you need help 😁
All my love xoxoxoChristinexoxoxo
